Brad Olsen's World Stompers: A Guide to Travel Manifesto, now in its Fourth Edition, was lauded by film director Oliver Stone as a "subversive masterpiece" and by Publisher's Weekly as a "quirky pleaser." He is an editor for Trips magazine and the author/illustrator of Extreme Adventures Hawaii and Extreme Adventures Northern California (Hunter Publishing). His travel web site (www.stompers.com) was Microsoft Network's 'Site of the Week' in 1996. Brad is the President of CCC Publishing in San Francisco, which publishes In Search of Adventure: A Wild Travel Anthology and his forthcoming book Sacred Places: 101 Spiritual Sites Around the World. His commentaries have appeared on National Public Radio, and he enjoys public speaking on budget travel and sacred places.
"There is no such thing as fear. Embrace this truism and suddenly there are no limitations."
When you know deep down in your heart what you must do, no matter how difficult it may seem, don't hesitate, just do it.
So what's up? "You guys coming with me, or you both gonna sit in this cafe all night and wimp out?"
I was charged with an adrenaline agenda. I knew precisely what I would do, step by step, all the way to my prophesied destination. I knew this night would be the ultimate manifestation of a three-year odyssey I call my World Tour, and with that dream so close to reality, nothing, not even these two spineless jellyfish, could possibly stop me. But actually I like these two. Yeah. The three of us have had some pretty good times together over the last two weeks. Sure, but by the look in their eyes I don't have to listen to their words to know that they'll both chicken out tonight.
"Dude," said Ray, half mockingly, half trying to be cool, "it's not that I don't like the plan, I mean it's wicked like you say, but there are a few things you gotta consider here."
When Pauly perked up and said "Yeah, there are a few things you must consider," I knew for sure that these two had conspired together to pull the tandem puss out. Actually, that would be okay. I had a feeling they would anyhow, especially this guy Ray calls 'Rolly Pauly' because of his paunchy waistline. I just played along in order to gauge reaction.
Unflustered I asked, "Like what?"
Both began to speak at once and I thought, how pathetic, they can't even get their sequence down. Pauly conceded and Ray spoke while I leaned back in my chair with a faintly discernible smile.
"First off, this is an Arab country, man. They don't see things the same way you and I do. Things you say you have a 'right' to do, they say you can't. And since it is their country, they have a 'right' to throw you in jail and toss away the key."
I grunted a laugh and said "C'mon Ray, you know as well as I do, they're corrupt as hell."
"Okay then," he said "you'll have to pay heavy baksheesh if they catch you, and if they claim you did any damage up there, they could hold you until we bail you out, and you know we don't have that much money to bail you out ... again."
It's true, they loaned me money at the airport when I first met them. We were waiting in the customs line when I told them how I got burned the day before in Bombay. It was my fault really, trusting an Indian with my traveler's checks on a get rich quick attempt, but it was just a loan and I promptly paid them back when I recovered my stolen checks. So I know what they're thinking; "He's reckless. He's a lose cannon. He fucked up once and he'll do it again." And even I know the inherent risk in this venture. Sure, but this is all part of the go-for-it attitude I've been advocating for years to anyone who'd care to listen.
"There is the possibility we won't get caught," I suggested.
Pauly dismissed this, and himself, right away. "I'm not going, I mean I can't. You know how my asthma acted up from the dry desert heat on our horseback ride to Saqqara. See here, look at my hand, I've still got this nasty blister on my finger from those damn reins. And," he continued while shaking his head "my knees have always limited me from strenuous activities. Besides, I think there are way too many guards out there to pull it off, and also what Ray said. You really don't know what they'll do if they catch you. No shit man, these Muslims are hard core. I've heard that even to this day, they'll cut off a criminal's finger for something trivial, like stealing an apple. That's their culture, that's just the way it is."
Okay now, I don't know this guy very well, but I am sure I know him well enough. See, I've met dozens of Pauly-types on my World Tour. He knows and I know that the spew coming out of his mouth is nothing but a facade, a mask of his real fear. Sure he's overweight, lacks self-confidence, and would huff and puff on aching knees climbing up, but this is no ascent of Everest, and it's certainly no major crime. No crime at all. Inspired men all through the history of civilization have done it. No doubt in my mind. Moses climbed it, so did Herodotus, Alexander the Great, loads of Roman leaders, Napoleon, Mark Twain, Howard Carter, and quite possibly Jesus Christ. Here is a rare and very powerful energy spot, one of only a few acupuncture points on the physical planet, providing an ancient seat of humanity. Of course they climbed it, along with countless other travelers who've passed through this way over many millennia. Can't these two feel the aura surrounding it? I won't push. No. For Pauly's fear is not uncommon with most people, or Ray for that matter. For the fear they share is that of the unknown.
We hung out in the Giza cafe for another hour. I wanted to wait for the full moon to rise higher in the night sky for better illumination. I also wanted a few more guards to crash out. The cafe was nearly empty. Two Egyptians in their long robes and headscarves were playing some kind of domino game that they would both get real excited about from time to time. I hoped to see more action, but it never came. Their outbursts and facial expressions were quite humorous and far more interesting than Ray and Pauly's discussion of recent political events in their mutual countries. I ordered a shesha, which is a mono-stemmed hookah water pipe smoked with gummy Turkish tobacco. The tobacco stays lit from burning embers placed on top. These two knew immediately why I ordered it and began protesting. I knew they would, but I didn't care. After all, they were quitting on me tonight.
"Oh man, don't" Pauly lamented, "the waiter will smell it, or maybe those guys are cops." Even Ray knew this was absurd so he let up, and Pauly followed suit as usual. Besides, they knew me enough by now to know that I'd do whatever I damn well pleased, despite their objections. If Pauly continued his whinging I would tell him no one was twisting his arm to stay. He stayed of course, just like the other nights I fired up.
I carefully positioned a few chunks of the primo Lebanese blonde hash I scored from our Saqqara horse guide into the bowl of embers and tobacco. The faint gurgling of the water as the smoke rose through the stem and into my lungs reminded me of collegiate bong-a-thons past. "Study high, test high, score high"-that was my motto back then. It didn't work too well for my G.P.A., but the subjects I got into, like my History of Egyptian Art class, I can now recall with vivid clarity and a new appreciation I never realized until I got out and traveled. My only regret today is that I didn't try hard enough. Pot makes me mentally lazy, yes, but it also helps me think abstractly and dream and plan and get me excited about adventures, just like the one I'm getting into tonight. Ahhhh yes, adventures. Now I'm feeling right.
Ray is getting stoned with me and we both chuckle at Pauly's apprehension. He senses this, mellows, and Ray offers him the stem. He declines.
After a few minutes of enjoying the buzz, I sit erect and grip the seat of my chair. They know what this means.
"Anyone change their mind?"
"No, not me." Pauly says.
"Ray?"
"Nah. This is your dream, man. Maybe you are meant to go about it alone. We'll read our magazines and wait for you here. If you're not back within two hours, we'll check the main guard station."
I took a deep breath, rose from the chair, and started across the cafe towards the door. Halfway across the long room I heard Ray call my name. "Good luck, my brother! Don't get vexed by the curse of the pharaohs!" I turned around and winked.
Out in the alley I turned a corner and there it was towering in all its majestic glory - the Great Pyramid of Cheops. History books call it 4,580 years old and the last remaining Wonder of the Ancient World. Mankind's mightiest wedge. As I started up the plateau towards it, I was clenching my fists and softly repeating "you're all mine tonight, you're all mine tonight, ..." over and over again, like a madman in some strange obsession.
* * *
Approaching the Giza pyramid field I was expectantly cautious. Keen to my surroundings. Observing every movement. All senses honed. I showed my day ticket twice past two guard huts. Visitors are allowed up there at night, but climbing any one of them is prohibited.
I stopped at the base and looked up at the rows and rows of meter high blocks, so carefully placed so long ago. How proud Pharaoh Cheops must have been standing exactly where I am now, looking up and marveling at the tomb his architects and servants built for him. Awesome beyond belief.
I'm taken back to college and the re-creation diagram in Dr. Archer's office. It showed a dirt track wrapping up and around the pyramid allowing the servants to roll blocks along logs to their predestined locations. The road was dismantled as they worked their way down, fitting the polished casing stones into place without flaw. The casing stones were fitted so precisely that, even today, a razor blade can not fit between their seams. One can imagine how these pyramids must have shone resplendently under the hot desert sun!
The next pyramid over to the southwest is that of Pharaoh Chephren. It is nearly identical in size and shape, yet lacks most of the internal chambers held inside the Great Pyramid. Because it is on a higher level, most people think it is taller than Cheops' but it's actually a few meters shorter. The most interesting aspect of the Chephren pyramid is the top quarter, which retains a crown of the original casing stones. One can still get a feel for the eminently refined state all these pyramids once held.
The third one, Mycerinus, was the last built and just a fraction in size to the others. Although there are many other pyramids along the west side of the Nile River, it is these three that the world regards as 'The Great Pyramids' while Cheops' is simply 'The Great Pyramid.' It bothers me when people theorize the origins and construction to be aided by extraterrestrial beings. Why belittle human achievements? Or, if it takes an alien race to build a pyramid, why are there so many inferior ones down the Nile? Man reached perfection in pyramidal architecture largely through trial and error over hundreds of years. Give the Egyptians credit I'd say, they were building for God.
It's not time to climb yet. Yes, I see you mister guard over there by the road, and you must see me.
I should confront him before he can figure out what I'm up to. I approach him with an enthusiastic smile and say hello, something I reserve for special occasions after years of being battered as a tourist. We shake hands and he slips a small scarab charm into my palm. Now I know what he wants.
"Ahhh hello my friend. You like tour, yes? Come." He grabs my arm and turns me toward Chephren's pyramid, "I take you show you Funerary Temple. Yes? You come."
I break his grip and explain; "No mister. Look, I just want to walk alone, okay? I have no money." I must pull out my empty pockets to prove it. "See here, no money."
The smile is gone from his face and he takes the scarab charm back.
Walking away from the scarab guard, I hear him mention to another tourist that there is going to be a late night Sound and Light Show because of the full moon. So late, I thought the second show would be long over by now. I get to the northwest corner, the spot I surmised as being furthest from any guard hut, and now conveniently on the opposite side from the grandstands and lights. Just as I sit down beside the pyramid to ponder this new twist, the show begins. From the tombs and mastabas everywhere, banks of concealed floodlights begin illuminating the pyramids in slowly shifting hues. The Great Pyramid is glowing golden yellow on all four sides. They'll spot me for sure if I climb while it's lit, but if I wait until the lights go down, maybe their eyes won't adjust. This could be an opportunity and ... the lights are coming down ...
NOW!
I press both hands on the first block and swing a leg up, step. Tricep press, swing the leg up, step. Up the third, up the fourth, this is easy! It's like climbing a mountain of stacked refrigerators. Up the fifth, up the ...
"Hey you! Hey, get down! Get down from there! No climbing the pyramid!"
Where did they come from? Oh, I wasn't careful enough. Scheisse! Think quick, no. Okay, the gig is up, climb down before they wake up the whole damn complex.
When I reach ground zero I walk by the guards and sheepishly shrug "I only wanted to watch the show." They say something to the effect of "read the signs, dumbass." So much for saving face. I quickly walk away until I round the third corner, where I slow down to catch my thoughts. Another guard passes me. The yellow lights come up again and are blazing on the eastern face, the side facing the grandstands. It doesn't look good now. No. Busted once, my confidence is in tatters. I have to sit down and think. Okay, what to do? Just the thought of returning defeated to Ray and Pauly really bums me out. What a buzzkill!
Something pushes me. I can't go down so easy. No way, Ray. I could crash out in the desert for a while and try again just before dawn.
Another guard passes and does not notice me in the shadows. That's a good sign. It looks as if he's the only one around and they all probably think, "who would be audacious enough to climb right in view of the grandstands?" Who indeed? The lights start to rise on Chephren, lower on Cheops. The guards are far away and the moon is high in the night sky. Do not think, TRY AGAIN!
The first ten blocks I'm sprinting up swift and sure-footed like a cat on a fence fleeing from a pack of dogs. My heart is racing and I am shaking all over with trepidation, but I am not slowing. No whistles, no shouts from below. I'm doing it and no one sees me. I gotta just keep moving, keep climbing while it's dark, the higher I get the safer I'll be, just ignore the pain ...
In a silent whoosh, the lights come up again and I dive for cover in the shadow of the blocks. I am about one-third of the way up, I estimate. Lying horizontally and perfectly still, my heart feels as if it's beating so loud it'll blow my cover. My experience now reminds me of what it would be like to be an escaped convict hiding from blasting prison lights. Exhilaration and fear mix a potent adrenaline rush. I haven't felt this stirred up since I snorkeled off the coast of Lanai with a mother and baby humpback whale a few years ago. Story for another anthology, but I was alone then too.
As I wait for the lights to go dark again I think about the day. Earlier, I took Ray and Pauly into this pyramid, through the entrance passage and up into the Grand Gallery to the King's Chamber. Just before entering it we passed through the antechamber, a phone booth-sized foyer. I searched with my hands in the semi-darkness until I found what I was looking for. A protruding Boss Stone relief of the true inch, the Pyramid Inch, the only inscription to be found in this monument-unlike the bragging hieroglyphs in most other pharaoh's monuments. It's like those whoever built this thing were trying to transmit information important to everybody, for all time, because some of the computations you can make with the Pyramid Inch are absolutely mind-blowing. Here are a few, but first it's interesting to know that 1 Pyramid Inch = 1.001 British Inches.
5,449 is the height of the pyramid in Pyramid Inches, the weight of the pyramid in tons' times 100, and the number of letters and words added up from a pivotal quotation in the Bible, Isaia, chapter 19. Verses 19 and 20 of which are supposed to contain even more mysteries.
A convenient ten million Pyramid Inches equals our polar axis plus our circumference, our weight, the length not only of our solar year and our sidereal year, but also our catch-up or leap year ... not to mention the distance of our swing around the sun, or the error in our spin that produces the wobble at our polar point which calculates the 26,920-year Procession of the Equinoxes. This pyramid says, quite literally, that we really are entering the Age of Aquarius.
Also compressed within the scope and accuracy of the Great Pyramid's angles and proportions seem to be all the formulas and distances pertinent to our solar system, like the measure of the sun-distance with exceeding accuracy. Basically, computations continue ad infinitum, as far as you want to let your mind wander.
When the lights go off again I quickly begin climbing. The corner stones are well-cut and do not show the signs of age like the middle stones, which are fragmenting away from the elements. In order to minimize my impact I climb the corner stones, careful not to expose myself to the southern face where the scarab guard could see me. Higher and higher I ascend, and a nice breeze cools my sweaty face. Two-thirds of the way up the lights begin to brighten and I am relieved to take another break. Lying down in the shadows I dream some more about this amazing structure.
What a monument this is! Statistics flood my head: 2.3 million blocks, each weighing 16 tons. Enough blocks to build a one meter high wall around France, or thirty Empire State Buildings, or a one meter high wall from north to south across the US - take your pick.
I was reading in Ken Kesey's book, The Demon Box, about his experience and research up here. He writes, "And digging deeper in our stone safe we find deposited such blue-chip securities as the rudiments of plane geometry, solid geometry, the beginnings of trigonometry, and - probably more valuable than all these mundane directions and distances and weights put together-the three mightiest mathematical tricks of them all: the first of course being pi, that constant and apparently inconclusive key to the circle. Second, phi, the Golden Rectangle transmission box of our aesthetics enabling us to shift harmoniously and endlessly without stripping gears so long as 2 is to 3 as 3 is to 5 as 5 is to 8 as 8 is to 13. Get it? And, third, the Pythagorean theorem, which is really just an astute amalgam of the first two short cuts and about as attributable to Pythagoras as blues is to Eric Clapton.
"And all this is based on the admission that so far we have been able to comprehend and appreciate the pyramid's info in terms of and thus only up to our own, then how much must be contained in this five-sided box that we cannot yet see? Wouldn't a race of people who knew enough about the sun to utilize its rays and reflections be likely to have a suggestion or two for us on solar power? Chop-chop! Call the Department of Energy! And might not an astronomy so accurate as to aim the Entrance Passage tunnel in pure parallel with our axis at a starless space in space, or point a radius from the center of the earth through the summit of this stone pointer at the star Pleiades - that is indicated by drawings gleaned from centuries as the center star about which the other six of the constellation are orbiting and perhaps our sun as well! Have some helpful hints for NASA? Call them, I say, hurry-up! The Home Office, the UN, the Pentagon. What's a few billion in research to the Pentagon if they can get a ray so precise as to sink a whole damn continent from the face of the waters as to the mud and mire of mythology?" When I told Ray and Pauly about this they said I'd been smoking too much hooch and called me a 'pyramidiot.'
Darkness again and the final burst. The expectation is phenomenal as the corners begin to merge together and I can finally judge the distance to the top. Ten blocks, nine, eight, seven to go. The rocket is about ready for blastoff. Yes! Six, five, four, counting down the anticipation of an astronaut, three more to climb, two more, last block, SUMMIT! Instantly, as if planned, the lights rise on the Great Pyramid brighter than before, and I throw my arms to the moon and dance in wild gesticulation. Who cares if anybody sees me now, I made it and I'm celebrating. The world is at my feet and the power of the pyramid is surging through my entire being! Hoo-ha! This is life. This is what it means to be human.
Calming, I survey my surroundings. So very much of the actual top has been knocked away in medieval times as to leave a platform described by the Arabs as "large enough for eleven camels to lie down." There is a six-meter tall post in the center supported by three other posts to indicate precisely where the capstone once reached. I take some time to lay over each face and gaze downward, enthralled by the ant-sized guards moving about and the Sound and Light Show still in progress.
I feel akin to the enigmatic eye atop the pyramid on the back of a US dollar bill. The Latin text around it reads: "God has prospered our beginnings. New Order of Ages." Go figure!
The lights of Cairo blaze in stark contrast to the darkened void of the Sahara desert. A small mouse appears, makes a dash for another crack, and disappears. That's strange, I wonder how a mouse could possibly survive up here? Yes how, but I quickly remind myself that one should never underestimate the power of the pyramid.
There are all sorts of tales of mysterious manifestations taking place up here: compasses going crazy; wristwatches shedding their radium paint; people disappearing. Whatever my fate, I will soon find out. I position myself against the post, face the Chephren pyramid, and sit in the lotus position as rigid as the Buddha. I began to send loving prayers. Mom. Dad. Brother. Sister. Yes, it's been years since I have seen any of you, but the affection I transmit to you now has never been so intense. Aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, childhood friends, girlfriends, and new friends from my World Tour.
A solemn prayer goes out to all sentient beings on earth, especially the thousands of animal species that go extinct each year as they pack up the last of their evolutionary belongings and make ready to depart. Good luck in the void, I whisper. Please understand that not all humans are malicious and uncaring.
Alas, the longest prayer goes out to the greatest man I have ever known - this is for you Pa. My grandfather passed away while I was teaching English in Japan saving money for this trip, and I was not able to make his funeral. I felt I owed him that much and could not come to terms with it until this very moment. A heavy burden lifts and floats away. That was never an issue, he relates.
* * *
After some unknown time in deep meditation, my bliss changed abruptly. I started shaking uncontrollably, like a freezing shiver, yet it was rather warm outside. I became overwhelmed with an uneasy feeling that I was trespassing. Cheops was telling me to get down now.
I descended the same route I ascended, taking my time because a fall would be disastrous. Pausing once to scan for guards, I thought about my experience upon this sacred monument. What is happening here? The strong central control of manpower; all the friggin' resources to build it; that omni-lingual, universal message suggested within - and that transcendental experience I just had? Jeez, what is it? Maybe there was help from aliens? I simply don't know. My entire reality is in question. One certainty is some kind of connection between the cosmos and a highly advanced race of humans that transcends what we presently comprehend. Something magnificent remains untold here.
The rest of the way down, it was so weird, I felt utterly protected, untouchable, invisible. Sure enough, I reached the bottom without guard interference and walked right out of the Giza complex a free man.
When I returned to the cafe, Ray and Pauly jumped up and laughed when they saw the wide grin on my face. "Did you do it? Were there many guards out? C'mon tell us!"
I didn't speak to them for a minute, and rightfully so. They had the opportunity and lost it. Yes I made it, fellas. And you were right Ray, I was meant to go alone.
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